duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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