finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
