she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
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It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
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So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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