very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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