Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
