I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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