Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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