I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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