I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
