How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
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He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
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I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
COCAINE IS GR8
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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