"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
