Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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