sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
