I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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