I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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