At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
