I want to stick my p in your. b.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
