I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
