1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
