Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
