I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
