apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
