Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
