I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
