Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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