Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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