I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just forgot I was standing up.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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