Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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