C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
