Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
