i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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