theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
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Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
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Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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