Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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