weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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