so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
