someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
