Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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