You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
if i can run in heels then i can drive
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
