ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I believe in your delicious
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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