Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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