I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
