Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
