Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
