there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
