That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
