Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
