I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
