He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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