o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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