guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
