he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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