I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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