Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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