i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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