Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
