She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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