You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize
